Reflections (April 11, 2012)

I'm struggling trying to decide what to write. I don't have my handy journal to help.

How did we spend yesterday? We made it through. Much support from family and friends... just like ten years ago.

William was working last night so Adam and I watched Cast Away.  That movie is special to me. I saw it first with Jared in our stem cell room. I can remember sitting in the room with the lights out. We watched and listened. At the end of the movie, Jared remarked how much he liked the music. Last night when the movie ended, I sat in my chair, listened to the music and remembered that night. I cried. I remembered. I ached for my little boy. Even after ten years there are times when it feels just like yesterday.

Rhonda, William, Adam and I also watched the movie while Jared was in PICU. We had discussions about certain scenes and what we thought it meant. The scene we talked about the most is near the end of the movie. Chuck, the main character, is back home after being on a deserted island for four years. His girlfriend, Kelly, has married while he was gone and started a new life. Chuck is telling his friend about being on the island and how he survived. He had a feeling that he would get off the island even though logic told him that he would die there. He told his friend that he just kept breathing, taking one breath after another. One day a big sheet of plastic washed up on the shore and he was able to use it as a sail on a raft he built. This led to his rescue and return home.

He ends the story telling his friend that sometimes you just keep breathing because you never know what the tide will bring in.

That is so true.  Sometimes things happen in our lives and the pain is so great that even breathing takes effort. But we must keep breathing and trusting that God will send exactly what we need at just the right time.

I had two people tell me the day after Jared died to just breathe. And that is what I did.  

Because the sun rose the day after Jared died, people went to work, got married, had children, hugged, laughed, kissed, lived life.  The world did not stop the day Jared died so we all had to keep going too.

I will give more details from ten years ago tomorrow.

Have a great night/day. Keep breathing and trusting. :)